last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
