thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
