I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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