i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Pooping to opera.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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