So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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