bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
