I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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