I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
