Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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