my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
