I got chris browned last night
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
