She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
