I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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