I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
