she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
