she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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