Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
