why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
