he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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