508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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