i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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