I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
