Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
