woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Your penis caused this!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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