Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
