walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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