I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We're too hungover to prance.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
