just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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