if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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