Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
