Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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