i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
