I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
