she's into porn, im staying here tonight
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
