I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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