i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
