I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
