We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
