drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
