Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
