my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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