I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
