It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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