Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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