we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
