im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
