am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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