I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
