I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i may or may not be watching the land before time
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
