I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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