??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
