she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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